A tawaif’s mistake (Poem of Chandramukhi)

Inspired by the movie „Devdas” directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali (2002) with Madhuri Dixit playing the character of Chandramukhi

Picture taken from Pinterest, posted by the user N

The poem contains spoilers from the movie

Chandramukhi is my name
A courtesan with eyes and fragrances
That make men bow down to me
My body always swaying, my face always telling
The story of a fake love.

They always said I cannot love, nor be loved
And for a time I believed.
Until a man, charming and full of emotion
Entered in my district, the one of passion
With his look, it made my heart
Cold as stone, to turn hotter than the sun.
The bright colors of my soul,
Entangled in a continuous battle.

He rejected all my love
Saying his soul’s already full.
By the love of unfulfilled
A hopeless woman fighting for what she feels
My love, maar dala
My happiness, given to Brahma
The dance of hara I had danced and the veils of laal I had worn
Taking care of my beloved soul
As he saw my true devotion, even if his heart was belonging to someone else
He accepted all my love,
And took shelter in my home.
This man’s love walked into my house,
And a friend in her I saw,
Not a rival, nor an enemy
Just a woman whose life was hard and full of sacrifice.

As she left, she told me happily
„I’m glad he’s not alone”
And that I can assure
He wasn’t alone.
My love for him was like a cup
Full already, but always touching
The fine edges of the vessel
The one of love.
He accepted a part of my soul,
Becoming part of his,
But compared to my Paro
I was nothing in his heart.
Me and her did dola re dola
In which we both promised
To take care of him.
She gave me a kangana
That was from my love
And made me swear
To not let him leave my side.

Before he left me in a journey
To make ammends with his past
He pleaded for me
To not miss him
„Don’t put out my only light”
He repeatedly told me
To believe in him and to not blame myself
As this was not my fault.
I shed tears of sadness
But his fingers quickly brushed them away
Showing me the truest form of love
The touch that made him feel disgusted
Was now doing it without a doubt
And then, he left.

Fate is cruel, fate is sad
She took my beloved away,
But when it is said
That us courtesans don’t have soul
I will say in their face
I have loved, but only once
He was my love, but I was not fully his.
Chandramukhi is my name
And my story I have to tell
Of a courtesan who fell in love
And have suffered from it
In the cruel game of fate and its twists
Dances I have danced
Songs I have sung
But not one came close
To my true love that shone in the bright white moon
Close to my friend and to my heart.

Love is hard and love is heartless
She made me fell
For someone who could not feel
As he asked me why I loved him
I remember saying
„Love, I have traded many times. But loved, I have but once.”
And when he left he told me
The single thing my heart yearned for
„I do know if I meet you again, in another life, I will not be able to resist you. „
The same way as I do
Even if my soul is hurt
Even though my body is aching
I push and push to not let the flame
Of my beloved go out.

by Gavrileț Alexandru

The poem was being written while listening to the songs: „Kahe Chhed”, „Maar Dala”, „Dola re Dola”