Inspired by the movie „Bajirao Mastani” directed by Sanjay Leela Bhansali with Priyanka Chopra playing the character of Kashibai
Picture taken from Pinterest, posted by the user sonal gadre
The poem contains spoilers from the movie
I’m the wife, a grand one I say,
Of peshwa Bajirao the one who slays,
Enemies to the ground
And hearts, he sets ablaze.
I am devouted, I am like Rukmini
In health and sickness I give my everything.
I love my husband with all my might,
And I am his love or that I like
To say, and tell and shout away,
And show the colors of my sway.
I wait so eager on one holi,
While I draw the rangoli,
And dance with all my sisters
Because my albela sajan, oh my albela sajan,
Has finally returned,
From his conquest where he earned,
Land and people and all kinds of riches,
And for that I pay him in kisses.
That night we loved, and loved again,
Until we a made a flower gain,
A life under a baby form
That was mine and his to transform,
Into a fighter, and a grand one I pray.
But all my happiness was short lived
Because of the betray,
My Peshwa caused
With his Mastani, his heart and his devotion .
She came and swirled
Her golden dress whirled
And her face and voice told
About her love for him not even a year old.
I hate her, I despise her!
She comes in my palace and steals my beloved
While I stay here unwanted and unloved.
A long time I had blamed her,
For stealing my husband
For overshadowing my baby’s birth with hers
And with my unfaithful choosing her,
I chose to hate her till the day I die.
But something changed,
I don’t know what,
I don’t know why,
Maybe I realised that she wasn’t at fault for this
But on the day of Ganesh Chaturti
While Gajanana was playing in front of the statue
I got through,
My hatred and my ache,
And told my Bajirao about his love
That was about to be killed,
By assassins that were skilled,
And he quickly ran to her,
And defended her.
My heart ached, my heart burned,
But most of all I learned
That love and devotion are different things,
You can have devotion and you shall receive it back
But if you love, it’s not always guarantee,
That you will receive any of it back.
And when he came to me,
All happy and care free.
I told him to not enter my chamber ever again
Cause his face was like a bloodstain
Dry and old, but ever as present,
Coloring the saree across my heart.
My love is not enough to make him happy,
Even if his one was enough for me
So I was hurt, in a twisted play of fate.
The day of the wifes came
Celebrating marriage and it’s ups
I went to her and gave a saree
Scolding her and making her feel bad
Even tho I knew the truth
That she isn’t to be blamed
Even for a minute.
We were just pawns in the fates game
And my heart can now understand
Her heart and soul
Her eyes and lows
So pinga we danced
A lavani from the deep within our hearts
Being honest with eachother and finally understanding
Our pain, our grief and our needs
At first so different
Close up so similar.
My heart refused to accept this
But when my Rao fell ill on the battle field
He called for Mastani his one and true love
And I finally accepted
That I was his mind
And she was his soul.
In moments like this, when your mind is clouded
You let your soul
Guide you to light.
So I sent a letter for her to be freed
From the chains that imprisoned our peshwa’s soul.
In his last breaths
I was his Mastani
To make his passing easy and quick
With his lover by his side.
My love didn’t manage to fill his soul
So he looked to complete the flame
That was barely awake
Even if he did not want to hurt me.
I adopted Mastani’s child,
Raising him as my own
Since he did not have a fault
In the fate’s gown
That covered his mother and his father.
I am devouted, I am Kashi
No, not Kashi, I am Kashibai
The leader of this palace, the leader of my heart
I have suffered, but I have loved
Even if it was stained by his actions
I’m still my own leader.
I hurt inside for being fooled
For letting a man tear down the walls
That I so carefully built
With nurture and love
With devotion and love
With love,
But he did not love me fully,
He loved another
And for this I suffered like a fool.
I am mature, I went through life
I loved and suffered
And I understood lessons
That not everyone had part of
I was broken, but I glued myself together
I still was devouted to him,
I still loved him,
But the fire that fueled the flame
Was slowly dying away.
I was strong
And I endured,
Through silence or through comments,
I endured and I was still by his side
Even tho I was hurt.
Love is always special
But be careful who you fall for
Because when you think your the one
You might become the other woman,
Neither to be blamed
Neither to be deserving
Of such a fate.
This is one lesson
I learned the hard way,
So I warn you today
To be careful who you fall in love
To not end up like me Hurt yet by his side
In love yet hurt by fate
Because love isn’t always enough
To make the one you care about
Be as in love with you
As you would like to think.
The poem was being written while listening to the songs: „Albela Sajan”, „Pinga”, „Gajanana”